We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
