i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
