Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
