Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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