Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
