so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
