My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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