He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
