She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
