dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
we should paint friendship bongs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
