just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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