my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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