Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
