I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
