Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
