Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
