how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
