I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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