I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
this is an emotional support booty call
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
