You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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