Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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