Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
