YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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