I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize