In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
