the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
