she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
