Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
