Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
