Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
