i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
