He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm too high and old for this...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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