her vagine was all disorganized.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
