Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
