Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
