i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
