Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
