how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize