why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
