The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
