I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
