i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
