We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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