my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
