I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
