its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
