who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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