I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
