Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Drunk is a universal language darling
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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