i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
