All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
