My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
