Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
