the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
