Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize