If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
