Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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