I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
where are you?
Hypothermia
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
