Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
