Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
