Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
