Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
