You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
