I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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