my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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