What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
