We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
