You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
