My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
