If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
