so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
