sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
