I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
