I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize